Devil 2: Escalation
by Hoopz Bergen
Summary: In this poetic sequel to M. Night Shyamalan's underrated classic "Devil", five Christmas shoppers are trapped on an escalator. Little do they know, one of them is the Prince of Darkness. What happens next is a desperate struggle for survival that makes Black Friday look like a children's birthday party. This is no Stairway to Heaven. Welcome to Devil 2: Escalation.


**Devil 2: Escalation**

A Christmas Tale

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"Oh, the weather outside is frightful/ but the fire is so delightful..."

Sammy Cahn, _"Let it Snow"_

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"He knows when you are sleeping

He knows when you're awake

He knows when you've been bad or good

So be good, for goodness sake!"

-Dante, _Dante's Inferno_

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**Part I: In Which An Old Man Sets Tones of Dissonance**

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Gather round, children, Oe'r here by the fire.

And I'll weave you a tale both joyous, and dire.

It may chill your bones, or warm your hearts' cockles

Yes, this is the mother of Christmas debacles.

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Round this time of year I get annual shakes,

As I recount a tale with the highest of stakes.

This here is no myth, this is all on the level.

Now hark to the tale of when I met the Devil!

**.**

**Part II: In Which a Young Man Needs a Gift**

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Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the mall

The employees were closing up shop and up stall.

The storefronts were hastily closed without care

In hopes that no shoppers would dare to shop there.

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Then a man bustled in, a young man named Me,

In a desperate attempt at a last-minute spree.

He hadn't been great, his lady was miffed,

So he was in want of that one perfect gift.

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It had to be special, no bath soaps or make-up,

A gift so creative, it'd stave off a break up.

He needed to wow her, to stun his fiance,

Fine china, perhaps? A CD by Beyonce?

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His need to succeed had never been greater,

And he spotted a store just up the escalator.

Victoria's Secret was one place still open,

They'd have lingerie, is what he was hopin'.

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He desperately ran, amidst disproving stares,

And jumped on the bottom of those moving stairs.

He leaned on the railing and sighed with relief,

But this one little victory was soon met with grief.

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The people on board were getting riled up,

A young mother's stroller was causing pile-up.

And four other shoppers were jostling in line,

And the stairs moved so slow as if frozen in time.

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"Hey, move your baby!" Said a grumpy mall Santa,

"Hurry up!" belched a nerd, between gulps of Fanta.

An old lady grumbled whilst cleaning her glasses,

In truth I couldn't blame them for acting like asses.

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And just as the stroller was 'bout at the top,

The stairs simply groaned and then ground to a stop.

The woman in front was fresh out of luck,

Her stroller was caught and so we were all stuck.

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And let me define, how, in this current verse

Things climbed from bad, to much, much, much worse.

The lights in the mall all flickered and died,

Disembarking was futile, believe me, we tried!

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And now if this part sends chills through your heart.

I must warn you, dear reader, this is only the start.

We didn't know why. We were caught unawares.

A macabre drama would unfold on these stairs.

**.**

**Part III: In Which the Mall Turns Into a Nightmarish Hell-scape**

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"What the hell's going on?" The Santa Clause barked

"I can't see I thing!" the old lady remarked.

The young mother shrieked, the nerd stifled a shout.

There was darkness, confusion, and scuffling about.

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"Don't worry, it's fine," said a voice from below.

"Security's here now to soften this blow.

This happens quite often, escalators can fail.

We'll have this thing fixed in two shakes of a tail."

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The man went to the bottom, where the stalled stairs began

And he placed one foot on 'em, that poor, clueless man.

The black stairs began to give off a red hue,

Like blood, or like liquorice, or perhaps, like, a stew?

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The mall cop climbed higher, and higher he came,

But all of sudden, he burst into flames.

We looked on in horror as he screamed in such pain,

In seconds, just charred, blackened bits still remained.

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And before we could process this gruesome display,

A voice clicked to life on the fuzzy PA.

It flowed like red velvet, it crackled like gravel.

It hissed like a snake and it thumped like a gavel.

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"If anyone else tries to climb to these folks,

I'll fry you like eggs , and I'll puncture your yolks.

Do not try to test me. You know not my power.

These people are mine, only mine, for an hour."

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I'll tell you, right now, what scared me the most,

It was when a young mall cop lost hold of his toast.

His lunch hit the floor, and he saw with a frown

That this sad piece of bread landed butter-side-down.

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I can still hear his voice, I can still hear poor Pablo.

He whispered in horrified shock; "El Diablo."

Then the lights all danced crimson, and shop windows shattered,

And I knew that not dying was all now that mattered.

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"Each of you here, you've done something bad."

Said the static-y voice like a really sad dad.

"I've chosen you folks to broadcast a lesson:

I'll roast all your chestnuts, so best get confessin'."

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"Too long have the naughty been spared vitriol,

You all deserve fates worse than socks full of coal.

Your lenient punishment's left me quite pissed."

You're all on the naughtiest of naughty lists."

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"I've done nothing wrong," said the nerd with derision,

"So don't expect me to make some grand admission

These are all parlour tricks, or lights in the sky,

Or costumes, or smoke bombs, or bad CGI."

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"I assure you, poor soul, this is all very real,

And your death will be too, if you do not reveal

Your biggest regret, your darkest taboo,

We've all got our secrets, you know that it's true."

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I'm not saying a thing!" the nerd sputtered, madly

My poor, pimpled pal's night was going to end badly.

"Fine. So be it. I've asked you nice twice,"

Said the satanic voice, "Now you will pay the price."

**.**

**Part IV: Slay Bells/ Violent Night**

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The lights flickered at once, many shadows were moving,

Like a demonic disco was hellishly grooving.

The mall decorations all whirled, untangled,

The geeky boy gasped, and with tinsel, was strangled.

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He struggled and strained be he couldn't get loose,

Dangled from the stairs by his shimmering noose.

His body hung lifeless, like a sick Christmas ornament.

He'd never again play in Yu-Gi-Oh! tournaments.

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"That very ill boy did some terrible things,"

The voice said again with a scorpion's sting.

"His worst sin of all, one he never out-growed

Was his twisted dependence on gaming cheat codes."

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The young mother asked, "How is that a sin?"

The Devil responded, "He needed to win."

The shoppers were freaking, were shrieking, were vexed.

We all prayed in vain that we wouldn't be next.

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"Now on the next one. Oh, who will it be?

The granny? The Santa? The mum with the baby?

Or maybe the young man whose rhyming is grating?

I'll judge you, that is, if you're not busy narrating."

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"No please, anyone else!" I cried out aloud.

I sold them all out, and of that I'm not proud.

Said the Devil, "You're selfish, and that I admire.

To save your own skin you'd condemn them to fire."

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"I'll save you for later, don't worry 'bout why

Right now I've got much bigger fish here to fry.

You there, old lady, who's sporting those spectacles,

Tell me your crimes, it will be delectable."

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But before the old crone could say something next

They young lady shouted "I've plagiarized text!

My own writing style is really quite sloppy.

To get my BA I'd no choice but to copy!"

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"I've passed off whole pages as work of my own,

I know stealing's a sin, but please, let me atone!"

The Devil just laughed, "I'm glad you've repented,

But get off scott free? Ha! You must be demented!"

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Now, what happened next was the strangest of things,

Her limbs were encumbered by five golden rings.

And then we heard flapping, it came from above,

Down swooped a partridge and two turtle-doves.

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They pecked at her body, she couldn't defend

And then came the three bloodthirsty french hens

And four calling birds, and six geese-a-laying,

They tore her apart while nice music was playing.

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In less than a minute nothing left remained,

No song birds came back for a bloody refrain.

It had become clear that we couldn't be saved

Even if we confessed we'd still go to our graves.

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"Now back to the granny," Devil said, nonchalantly.

His voiced was amused, up-beat, kind of jaunty.

"Isn't this fun, getting things off our chest?

And aren't Christmas-themed killings just really the best?"

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"You know what I've done," the old lady said, sighing.

"So just spell it out and I'll get on with dying.

I know I'm quite old and I'm know I'm quite sick.

But this way of going I didn't predict."

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"This little lady," Devil paused for effect,

"Got handicapped parking for a kink in her neck.

But she lied 'bout the injury, she is a disgrace!

She'll burn for all time 'cause she wanted a space."

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The old lady just laughed. "That's what you've got?

I've done way worse things than misusing a spot.

I've trespassed, I've assaulted, I've got four DUIs!

I've scammed and I've conned, once I murdered a guy!"

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"Bring it on chump, I know I've done wrong.

But I can't help but wonder, what took you so long?"

The Devil was peeved, he boomed through the PA,

"You're suppose be scared, this isn't okay!"

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"Your level of fear's pretty much catatonic,

So the way that you'll die will be extra ironic!"

The escalator shook, and it took all my talents

To stay on the stairs and to not lose my balance.

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The Santa and I both held on to the railing,

But the frail old lady's small frame just went sailing

Over the edge, we lost sight of her quick

We heard something below, it sounded like "Shkkk!"

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We looked down were she fell, and our remaining twosome

Recoiled in shock at a tableau most gruesome.

She landed in front of a store of fedoras,

Was impaled by the shaft of a giant Manora.

**.**

**Part V: Futile Exercise**

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The mall was dead silent, I waited in dread

For the sinister voice to appear in my head.

But it seemed that the Devil had nothing to say,

I think all his shouting had fried the PA.

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"And now onto you," came the voice in a whisper.

"Confess, or your skin will soon be a lot crisper."

"I don't know what you mean, I'm a pretty nice guy!"

I said, knowing that was a really weak lie.

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"Alright, I'm not perfect, I can be unpleasant.

And, yeah, I forgot to get Stacy a present."

The Devil just chuckled, "It's worse than you say!

You owe her two gifts, 'cause tomorrow's her birthday!"

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It hit me right then, I felt a great shame.

I'd forgotten the birthday of my special dame!

"Oh dear me, oh dear me! I'd never suspected

A second date's import was also neglected!"

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"The time for your judgement is now come to pass,

You've been quite a dim, inconsiderate ass."

The stairs jolted to life, but I felt with dismay

That the increase in movement was geared the wrong way.

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The stairs just sped up, going faster and faster

I was at the hands of this evil stair master.

A Hell portal opened in front of my eyes

I had to run up to escape my demise.

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The stairs moved unceasing, toward portal agape,

I ran and I wished I was in better shape.

And even if I could keep up the fast pace,

The stroller and Santa'd shove me into the place.

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I sensed something then, yes I became aware,

I instinctively felt the Devil was right there.

I wanted to scream it, or say it, or cuss it.

He was on the escalator. He was one of us. Shit.

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It was me or the Santa, the harbinger of doom,

I squinted in fear at his shape in the gloom.

I ran up the stairs, I grabbed his white beard.

Bellowed "Begone St. Nick!" Constantine would have cheered.

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The Santa looked wide eyed. "It's not me!" he exclaimed.

"I know Santa and Satan are anagrammed names,

And I'm not the Devil, it has to be you!"

I said, and I felt that it had to be true.

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The Santa just pleaded, "Now, pal, don't you see,

There's not two on these tairs, theres's actually three!"

And then it dawned on me, with horror and shock

The mother's lil' baby was still stuck near the top.

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I pushed past the fat man and ran to the child,

Grabbed it out of the stroller and held it all wild,

"You've got to destroy it," the Santa did say,

Throw it into the portal or they'll be Hell to pay!"

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I was gonna do it, I swear that I was,

But I looked in its eyes and I brushed its peach fuzz,

"I can't do it Santa, this child is precious!"

"Are you crazy?" he said, "What, do you have a death wish?"

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"If you're not gonna do it, then leave it to me,

I'm tired of kids sitting top of my knees!"

The Santa came forward, with much might he tried

To pry 'way the child, who wailed and cried.

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"I won't kill a baby, its life, I'll preserve it,

And I'll go hell. I mean, don't I deserve it?"

And after I said this, the Santa transformed,

He face grew beet red and his head got all horned.

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Devil Santa climbed towards me, with hungry black eyes

St. Nick was Old Scratch in an awful disguise.

"Well, well, well," Devil Santa's big red belly heaved,

"This one's got more heart than I would have believed."

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"You'd save this here child instead of yourself,

If I was really Santa, I'd make you top elf.

But I'm not, I'm the Devil, and I meant what I said,

No one gets of this escalator 'cept if they're dead."

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"I'm afraid that this next part won't be very pleasant,

I'm ending your miserable, Chirstmas-y present."

With that final pun he was done with the teasin'

He grabbed my poor throat and his hand started squeezin'.

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He shook me and jiggled his big belly spherical,

My only hope now was a true Christmas miracle.

My life flashed before me, every text, every e-mail

It was pretty boring, I'll spare you the details.

**.**

**Part VI: Subordinate Clause**

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And just when my vision was fading all darkly

The babe in my arms started gettin' all sparkly.

I let the tyke go and he rose to the ceiling,

The colours he shimmered had both of us reeling.

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The baby then spoke, in a voice old as time,

"You've really screwed this mechanical climb.

So drop the poor soul, and close your Hell portal,

You know you've no right to be messing with mortals."

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The Satan Clause dropped me and shielded his eyes,

He let out a bellow that rang through the skies,

I stared at the baby, and through my hoarse wheezes,

I whispered in awe, "Holy Christ. Is that Jesus!?"

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It was baby Jesus, and things were real serious,

I think that's what happened, of course I was delirious.

"Satan, come on, I thought you knew better."

Said the King of all Kings in a cute Christmas sweater.

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"You're lust for destruction has taken its toll,

This whole Yuletide mess violates your parole.

I've had quite enough of this death and disorder,

Not to mention ignoring Dad's restraining order!"

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Santa said, "Yeah, I knew that this was a mistake,

But it's boring in Hell and I needed a break.

Your showing up here's made me all kinds of mad,

You're lucky that I used to work for your Dad."

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And with that final word, Satan ran down the stairs,

And jumped back in the portal that led to his lair.

The lights in the mall all went normal at last,

The danger that threatened had finally passed.

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Baby Jesus looked at me and said with a frown

"I'm sorry 'bout that. He can be such a clown.

I know that you've suffered, it's awful indeed,

So just let me know if there's something you need."

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I thought long and hard. What was it I needed?

My Christmas gift quest sure hadn't succeeded.

The shops were all closed now, most workers had fled,

And those that had not were all probably dead.

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"There's one little thing, don't mind if I ask,

I came here to take on an impossible task.

My lady deserves the greatest of gifts, see."

Said baby Jesus: "I've got something quite nifty..."

**.**

**Epilogue: In Which I Bring Back The "In Which" Device To Frame The Story**

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And that is my story, I know that it's Hellish,

And, yeah, several facets were nicely embellished,

But I see you're not happy, you all want to know,

What on earth was the gift baby Jesus bestowed?

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Well, kids, I'll tell you. I'll tell you the answer.

Later that night my girlfriend cured cancer.

And she became famous and left me a bit later,

Then I met your mom, and I started to date her.

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And so in the end, you kids wouldn't be here,

If I hadn't experienced that night of pure fear.

Now go to your beds, it's a quarter-past-nine.

Merry Christmas! And please, do your shopping online.


End file.
